Single? Married? 23? The debate.

Court,

This is a pretty hot topic these days, isn’t it Kotowski? Why is that? Why has it suddenly become such a phenomenon to write long blogs/list regarding how to better spend one’s life than to be married under the age of 25?

I don’t get it.

I don’t get it for a number of reasons. Like you, I find the lack of excitement regarding a person’s pending nuptials – no matter the age – to be depressing. How can we look at our happy, glowing, hopelessly-in-love friends and curse their joy because we (we, who are wiser, smarter, and apparently know better) believe them to be too young. Too young to grow up. Too young to be tied down. Too young to be selfless.

And that’s the kicker. Selflessness.

One particular article that seems to be all over my facebook, maybe the specific one that you are addressing as well, notes a detailed to do list of things that a person (specifically a woman) should accomplish INSTEAD of getting engaged before turning 23. Obviously, I read these things aloud to my  boyfriend. You know, in case we needed to be aware of something important. We laughed our way through most of the list, noting that almost everything on the list could be done with another person (or, should probably just not be done at all.). In fact, it seemed to us that most of the things on the list SHOULD be done with another person. Specifically, for me, done with Jordan. But, as the list continued you on, we hit a road block.

22. Be Selfish.

This is when it hit me, she is right. Not in the way she wants to be, but her words still suddenly ring true. If you want to be selfish, don’t get married before 23. Do whatever you want to do, I suppose. In the words of this specific author – find your “thing”. Whatever. But, if you want to choose selfishness don’t get married at 23 – or 25, or 30, or 45.

Because, selfishness is poison to a marriage. I don’t even have to be married to know that.  So, be single. And selfish.  Explore. Learn. Whatever. And while you’re doing that, I’ll get married. Before I’m 25.

Here’s the thing. I found him. He’s good, and solid. And I don’t want to be selfish, and I don’t want to explore alone. And, that’s okay. Just like it is okay to be single. Happiness, luckily, is available to all.

But, do take away this. Independence is a comfort, and freedom is a blessing. A big, confidence-boosting blessing. But, love? It’s a gift. It is a gift that was created and then exemplified by God. Let’s not make light of that.

In the end – I agree with you. Encouragement is a beautiful thing. Encourage your friends who are getting engaged. Encourage your friends who are not. Suddenly, no one is making a list of which lifestyle is better, because jealousy and bitterness are not a part of the equation. Selflessness, it turns out, is available for all.

Get married. Be single. Who cares. Be happy. Love people. Love God.  Stop coveting other people’s lives, and calling it wisdom.

It seems easy enough.

Choose love.

Morgan 

Can we be more encouraging?

Morgs,

I’m afraid to even speak on this matter in semi-public forum. Knowing the way the internet works, I want to tread super lightly on the topic. But I've now read several back and forth arguments about whether or not to be married at the age of 22-25 and I feel like we’re losing a piece of the puzzle that seems super necessary to me. A number of the blogs that I've read seem to be targeted at friends, or friends of friends, just people known by the blogger/author. It seems really unfortunate that we've gotten to a place where friends are so unsupportive or contradictory of their friends lifestyles. I think it needs to be said that it does not matter what your relationship status is, you can CO-EXIST in a world with married people or single people at your same age. If you are 25 and single, the 22 year old married girl is NOT a direct threat on your life. She just isn't, unless of course she’s telling you that something you are doing is wrong, that’s a different story of course. But the mere existence of marriage among your peers should not be an interference on your life. And, the choice to post an article that she feels encouraged by is not an attack on the articles that you find encouraging. If it is, I hope you can see past it. I dare not use the word judge, because I think it is highly overused among the Millennial generation. Having an opinion opposite another persons obviously means you are judging them…Scary!! But in general, I hope that we, as women, can be supportive of the kind of lives our friends lead. Just try, to put aside your status and be excited for the kind of choices, adventures or commitments your friends are making. Talk with them and ask them questions, especially if you don’t agree!

I would love to be in a committed relationship, because it’s a beautiful thing that people can do for one another. Essentially, I want to say to another person, I love you so much I want to put your goals and feelings above mine. That seems like a pretty solid life move, I think. But that’s not how others want to do it, and I’m totally fine with that. I've found those women I do not agree with, are often the ones that I have the most interesting conversations with, even if we both get a little peeved. I hope that you don’t encounter this kind of stuff with your friends Morgo. Your relationship is quite wonderful and I would be sad to know that others weren't on board with the timing of God’s love in your life, even if they don't agree. I’m really hoping that we can encourage one another to live bigger and better lives. My friends that want to be single until they are 35, should absolutely do that and they should ask for more in their work lives, be more involved in their cities and take more trips wherever they want to go! My friends that are getting married quite soon, should absolutely do so and they should be committed to their spouse wholeheartedly, be more involved in each others work lives and be more encouraging of their partner’s dreams. I want all my friends to be who they are, be led in the direction of their heart and know that I would go on any journey with them. I think, in my mind, that’s the point of this blog. You and I are headed on different paths, but I want to share in it with you. I want to laugh and cry with you, to experience your moves with Jordan, to tell you about the serendipitous timing in my life, and most of all, encourage you to do what you want to do.

I’m going to be done talking about this. Hopefully, this little soapbox moment will be more than a ‘I’m doing it better than you are’ kind of statement. I genuinely hope that all women can come to appreciate the different choices taken by the other females they share seasons of life with. If we can celebrate the things our fellow ladies deem to be good for them, we will have more things to celebrate in our own lives that we deem good. I mean, I also hope that men can be this way too, but I’m sure less of them are reading this.

From one of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, "But I choose to do what I can do to create hope, to celebrate life, and the act of celebrating connects me back to that life I love." - Cold Tangerines.

Love you,

Court

2013: Stuff That Was Done

Dearest MorganFaceofaFreckledAngel,

In March of 2012, I started a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days with my sister, her list is different of course. 1001 days is about 3 years and 9 months. With 2014 starting in mere hours, I thought I would review the items I was able to accomplish in 2013. I would not say I’m super far along in my list, actually I’m not even half way done. So, that December 1^st deadline in 2014 is going to come pretty quick. There were some things I did not accomplish in 2013 that I can no longer attempt. For instance, I wanted to graduate Cum Laude. I was one A from doing so. But I think the true intention behind that goal was more of a challenge to exert effort than anything else. I didn’t really try my last year of college, so I put this on the list to push myself to try a little harder. I think I did, although, I wouldn’t say I gave that final semester science class my best. So, there’s that. But anyway, here are a few of the things I finished with a brief explanation.

1.    #55: In 2013, I went to a Country Music Concert. This is quite a big deal, because I really do not like country music. I find it to be annoying. Which is annoying to everyone in my life because it seems I have surrounded myself with country-loving weirdos. I guess I like weird thought, so it comes together. Back to the point, I went to this concert. I put it on my list for a number of reasons. First, I want to be the kind of person that goes out of her way to try stuff that is not already my favorite. Second, I want to be the kind of person that does stuff with her friends. Third, I want to be the kind of person that says yes to stuff. Trust me, I know I just used the word ‘stuff’ where others would fit, but I just think it’s basic. I want to try stuff, does stuff and says yes to stuff, whatever that stuff might be. So when my friends decided they wanted to see an up-and-coming country artist play at a local theater, I said yes. Additionally, I love live music and I had never been to this venue, it was the perfect thing to say yes to. So I did! And guess what, I liked it. I danced and sang to the songs I knew, it was super fun. I think there are pictures of this evening, but they disappeared. Instead, this is my fav countrysong, but who doesn’t love it really. 

2.    #61: Just recently, I stopped drinking pop (also known as soda and coke). After consuming massive amounts of the fizzy substance this summer, I figured it was time to lay it to rest. Upon returning to South Carolina, I quit cold turkey. At one point in life, I had a caffeine-induced cyst. Since then, I’ve tried, unsuccessfully of course, to consume less caffeine and specifically less sugary pop. It’s just not a healthy habit for me. While Diet Coke has to be one of the beverages certainly to be featured in Heaven, I didn’t think 32 ounces a day was a good maneuver, especially if I want to be cyst-free. Many of the items on the list are related to living a healthier life, because, while I don’t struggle with the size of my pants or the amount of chocolate I consume, I want to lead this life for a while and I’d like to have the energy to  accomplish all the things on my list(s). So bye-bye pop, see you in Heaven.

3.    #10: In 2013, I was the maid of honor at my sister’s wedding. This is important, because I think it was the first and last time I will serve in this role. And you know what, I’m totally fine with that. While I loved planning the parties and showering my sister with affection and compliments, it was really hard. I would love to be the MOH for any of the beautiful women in my life, but I’m just happy to be a part of their day. I’d like to be the kind of friend that is more concerned about the longevity of the marriage than my place in the bridal party. I’ve gotten to witness some truly beautiful love stories in my life and if I can continue to witness them, it doesn’t matter to me if I ever get to be a MOH again. But, just in case it’s in your mind, I am a terrific speech-giver.

4.    #83, #5, #25 (1 of 10), #80, #88, #89, #91: These are all of the items on my list I accomplished with CIY. It’s unbelievable how many more I think we could have done, but man am I proud of the 7 I achieved with MoCrank5.

  #5. Visit states I’ve never been to: New Mexico, Arizona, Missouri, Arkansas, and Tennessee. I want to be the kind of person that goes places in the US and appreciates this beautiful country. I especially want to be that kind of parent, one who takes their kids to Montana, just so they can see how different life is there. Visiting new states will be a continued goal of mine, until I hit all the states, and then I’ll probably start with the major cities in the US.

  #25. Read 10 inspiring Christian books: We started the summer by reading “Love Does” from which I continue to learn. I’m not the greatest reader. I actually dislike reading. (See the above point regarding doing things that I don’t already love) But I know reading is good for my brain and the best way to learn, which I happen to be found of. So every once in a while, I turn off the tube and read a little. I loved everything about this book, from the style of story-telling Bob Goff uses, to the chapter about saying yes, to the way he describes being engage with life. I think I learned how to be a better person from that book, which is why #25 is on my list. I want to be able to learn from people that I don’t know, but have written why they know.

"Being engaged is a way of doing life, a way of living and loving. It's about going to extremes and expressing the bright hope that life offers, hope that makes us brave and expels darkness with light. That's what I want my life to be all about-full of abandon, whimsy and in love. I want to be engaged to life and with life." -Bob Goff

  #80. Go to a Christian Conference: Like, duh, I went to 7. I want to be the kind of person that experiences ‘church’, as in the body of believers, outside of my own ‘church’, the meeting I attend each week. Conferences take place everywhere and for every kind of reason, I’d like to see as many of them as I can.

  #83. Use a disposable camera to capture an awesome day: Everyone hated it at the time, but it was amazeballs. I like being random and doing weird things to break down those cool walls we put up. Nothing says I’m a little bit loser like using a disposable camera at the Grand Canyon.

  #88. Road trip to St. Louis: On my way to Jomo, from SC, I stopped in St. Louis to visit a dear friend of mine. I’d like to make it a habit to visit my friends when I get the opportunity. (Yes, Oklahoma is on my list.)

  #89. Explore a random city on a road trip: Umm, yeah. Courtesy of Chase Allcott, I got to go on a Triple D adventure of random cities. Amazeballs.

  #91. Teach someone one of my favorite skills: Please refer to the birthday video in which I perform a masterful self-five. Consider that my gift to the entire team.  

In 2014, I’d like to focus on completing the following items on the list:       

3. Be a better blogger

25. Read 10 inspiring Christian books

44. Give a really generous tip

94. Watch a sunrise

33. Stop biting my fingers

53. Learn how to skateboard

69. Go to the zoo

It's amazing to me how many of the items on my list I won't finish. What's funny, is that I have every intention and desire to do so! But sometimes, sticking to a list is limiting to the moment at hand and other times, the list keeps you on track. Getting caught up in life is both glorious and distracting. I constantly have to remember that every moment has potential, some planned and others completely spontaneous. For instance, things not on the list that I consider big accomplishments in 2013: 12 weeks of Improv class, two National Monuments visited, a new state to call home and I learned how to make a Latte at home. So, while I want to complete my list, there are new things I would like to accomplish in 2014: Get another tattoo, learn to play the bass guitar, find a passion in the workplace and be like Olan Rogers.

Yours most Truly, 

Court

My Christmas Playlist

Court,

It's funny, but I kind of recall that one of our first real conversations was based upon family, and how a person's family affects holidays. I say "real", because we have had a lot of dumb conversation that lacked substance (and gosh, did I love them!) and then we had "real" ones in which I walked away with something to reflect upon. Now, I don't think the conversation in question was completely based on holiday/families, but the point was made that I love holidays and you were a little iffy about them. Maybe this was the "I am going to Paris for Thanksgiving" conversation. I don't know. That's not the point. The point it - you are a little off kilter when it comes to Holidays (this may be due to the small side of you that does tend to over think) and I am the girl that celebrates Arbor Day. Ya know, to each their own. Or whatever that phrase is.

I'm glad, then, that you are headed in my direction of the world these days. I love your new outlook, as well. In my teaching classes we spent a lot of time discussing how best to teach students to read, and how to best assist them in connecting with the text. One of the best and easiest methods is to help them make connections to their own, personal lives. If you are reading something and you can connect the moments, emotions, and reactions to something that you already understand to some degree you will not only remember it better later on, you will connect with it on a more intimate basis. This is the same in almost all areas of life. Make connections. Build on past memories and past knowledge. Understanding is so much deeper when the emotions become personalized. I love it.

In regards to your request, I must decline. I hate to appear un-festive but I must admit to something that has long annoyed my friends and that has brought my mother great sadness - I think I only wear grey. My closet looks very grey, at least. No matter what, at least, I do know that I do not have anything that is that red or green. I actually might have one red dress and one green dress. I have really dropped the ball in this department, and hope that next year I will do better. New Year's Resolution, perhaps?

Since I cannot join you in that manner of celebration, I will do something else. I listen to Christmas music all year long. All. Year. I know, I know. I am one of those people. However, essentially, I create a play list on Thanksgiving and listen more openly at that point. Among the numerous songs that I listen to during the holiday season, I have quite a diverse mix. Personally, I love them all dearly. That being said, there are five specific ones that I get a lot of teasing over. I am now going to make a case for these specific songs, and hopefully spread the love. Or, you know, ramble about some Christmas songs.

1. Last Christmas
Last Christmas is a little '80s jingle by a British band called Wham!. The version I have linked for you is from the television show Glee because it is the version I like the most. However, everyone and their mom has recorded this song at some point, so it can probably be found in whatever genre fits your taste. This song is romantic/Hallmark/lifetime gold. It gets stuck in your head, and if you are single (or, suffering from a recent break up) you will think it is about you. Even if the lyrics do not apply at all, you will still think that. Don't let the sophisticated song listener tell you that this song is stupid, because it is not. It's beautiful. Heartbreak, redemption, and Christmas. Does it get better? Also, watch the video. I don't watch Glee anymore, but this clip rocks anyway. Rachel just loves Finn, okay?

2.  Baby, it's cold outside.
This song is a little mischievous, and maybe a little questionable. Every year I play it, and someone gets on a soapbox about how creepy this song is. I get it - he's all "baby, stay here and I'll keep you warm, *wink* *wink*" and she's all "no, like seriously I have to go, creepy mccreeperson. Okay, fine, I will stay for one more drink (of cocoa) but you keep your filthy paws off of me." It's a little awkward, but props to the guy soloist for actively pursuing the girl he likes. Right? Right?! Okay, that might be a stretch, but regardless this song has always sounded more flirty than stalky to me and thus I still love it. Who doesn't sort of dream of singing this song in a weird "I Love Lucy" inspired moment in your living room with the man you love? Well, I have. And apparently a number of artist have as well, seeing as this song has been recorded by a handful. The version I have linked for you is Natalie Cole and James Taylor, and has been my jam since I was five. No kidding. The video shows pictures of creepy couples. Best to be avoided.

3.  All I Want for Christmas is Youoooouuu, bay-bay.
Despite many denials, there is not a person on this planet that has not sang this song in their underwear with a fake microphone. Not. A. Single. Person. I did it as a child when I was convinced that I could sing like Mariah, and I do it now and cross it off as the day's workout. And don't get me started on some people. Replace "you" with "baby Jesus" if it makes you feel better. That was sassy, but merry x-mas, ya know? Honestly, anytime you are down during the holidays you should sing this. It's like eating cotton candy before hitting up the tilt-o-whirl. Perfection.

4. Santa Baby (Santa, My Sugar Daddy)
This is a weird one, and I get that. Totally. What's funny about it, to me, is that it was first recorded in the 1950s by a woman named Eartha Kitt. This is funny for two reasons - 1. This questionable song was written in the 1950s? What? I thought every woman during that time lived in a stove and only ever wore hoopskirts with aprons. Who knew that they were so very demanding. 2. I always read this lady's name as Earth Kitty. It makes me laugh. Otherwise, it's a super awkward song. But, like almost every song on this list, you have sang it before and you have liked it. You have even mocked her voice. The only question I have is - what the heck is a sable?

5. Breath of Heaven
It's dramatic and beautiful and perfect. I usually make bird hand motions with my hands when the chorus comes on, but it does not mean I love it any less. People tease it despite it's perfection, but I consider those people to be major dummies. Watch this video from the film The Nativity Story, cry your eyes out, and then go and sing All I Want for Christmas is You. All better.

These are my top five most questioned songs. They might be my most questioned because they are also my most played. Whatever, haters. That's what I say.

All in all, listen to music or wear colored pants. Do you, you know? And love Christmas, everyday of it. Everything about it. Love the cheesy music and the sugar filled food. Love your family (even the difficult ones) and love your friends. Most of all, love Jesus. Most of all.

I love you.
May your days be merry and bright.

Morgan

Wow, It's Christmas!!

Morgs,

I’m so proud of you for trucking through. You made it and you are better for it. That video is easily one of the best wedding videos you have shared with me. You will make such a video when you wed the one true Jordan Stancil, correct? I want to revel in the perfection of your covenant day after day.

Today is day four of my Red/Green wardrobe challenge. I’m going to tell you something and you may not love it. I was not excited about Christmas. As of Monday, I was not looking forward to this holiday. I think it might have to do with the 6 days instead of 24 days I have for a break this year. #Worklife I did not feel right about this, so I had a few conversations about my general apathy for the coming Christmas. Then, one of my friends told me that I could probably relate to the anticipation of Christ’s birth better now than ever before. You see, I’ve been really antsy about getting married. Have we talked about this…oh I think we have. By her thoughts, I should be able to understand the deep anticipation that accompanied Jesus’ birth because I am anticipating the creation of my marriage. She’s smart right? So I decided, I’m going to stop being a butthead about this beautiful holiday and really give it all I’ve got right now.

And, today is day four of my Red/Green wardrobe challenge. I’ve worn something in the holiday color hue every day and I feel like I’m actually joining in the cheer. Last night we celebrated at my college ministry and it was just so stinking fun. I don’t have any pictures to share at this current moment, although we took a really great one of the host team. I’ll add it when it appears via the book of faces. Anyway, I think it was the spark I needed to get excited about Christmas. In coordination with the fourth day of the Red/Green WC, I’m listening to some Christmas tunes and planning what Red/Green items I will take with me to Ohio tomorrow. I will be continuing this until Christmas Day. Would you care to join me?

In the spirit of Christmas, I give you this video: Dear Sweet Jesus, let me have a family like this. 

Here is said Holiday photo with my team!

Many a Holiday Cheer to you!

Court

The Murder of Romance

Kotowski.

Muchness. I like it. I like you for sending some of your contagious muchness to me. I needed it.

It's been a long semester. Ten years long, maybe, and suddenly it's over and I feel as though I might have just ran a marathon in which the finish line sent you right over the edge of a cliff. I am free falling, but I can't seem to make myself mind. I have accomplished a lot this semester, and maybe (just maybe) I might just give myself a few days to be proud. You can be proud of yourself, right?

I miss you today. Sometimes it would just be so nice to just be silly with you. The best part of being silly with you is that you are so very intentional about it. It is hard to pull off intentional silliness, but I enjoy it.

I spent some time today discussing the idea of "talking" with a few friends. I also read an article about it and was intrigued. If you haven't - read the article. You will appreciate it, no matter what your opinion is. Here is the link - http://cbmw.org/men/manhood/were-just-talking/.

I can't help but wonder if our generation has officially murdered romance. With "talking", social media, and the "I can do it myself" mentality of women (AND men) has our generation managed to raise adults who don't know how to talk, care, and appreciate the community of a loving relationship? I fear that it is too late, and the worst is upon us.

But, then...then... this.

This video is my favorite wedding video. But, look past the wedding and the cute song (though, I love it and you will too) and get to his face. His face says it all. Romance, not a wedding, at it's very finest. It kills me every time.

The Cutest Wedding Video Ever That May or May Not Involve Strangers.

So much love to you, sweet friend.

Morgs.

Feeling Muchier

Morgs McGorgs, 

I don’t know if it’s the coffee or TGIF, but today I’m full of energy. It could be the Spirit, reminding me of the things and qualities about life that I am in love with. It could be rejuvenation, after months of up and down confusion – including this summer – I’m feeling confident in the future again. It could be the delicious salad I just ate for lunch. It could be the 3 seasons of Parks and Recreation that I've watched this week, with the crucial Ben/Leslie love story being played out in the episodes I watched last night. It could be overwhelming love pouring out after the time I spent with Jesus this morning. I don’t know what it is, but today is a great and beautiful day. I even asked my co-workers if they would want to have a dance party with me. (They declined) Days like today, when I feel my fullest and most me, I’m reminded of my muchness.

There’s something about Alice in Wonderland that I have always loved. When Tim Burton made the newest version, I fell even more in love. He challenges my imagination, which is pretty hard because that sucker is constantly surprising to me, and it’s in my own head. Sometimes, we lose sight of our muchness, like Alice does before she falls back to Underland. We all have a Hatter who reminds us to be muchier when this happens. The Holy Spirit is pretty good at this in general, I try to start with a shout out to Him if this happens, but I have the privilege of sharing life with women like you. Morgs, when I think about our summer, you let me have my muchness and be my most full self. That is a true blessing.

To-Do lists for Maverick will come, but today, I want to live in the presence of this happiness. Today I want to fall in love with romance again, laugh my butt off with people I have nothing in common with, rock my crazy frizzy hair and give praise to the One who brings me joy. 

- Court