Single? Married? 23? The debate.

Court,

This is a pretty hot topic these days, isn’t it Kotowski? Why is that? Why has it suddenly become such a phenomenon to write long blogs/list regarding how to better spend one’s life than to be married under the age of 25?

I don’t get it.

I don’t get it for a number of reasons. Like you, I find the lack of excitement regarding a person’s pending nuptials – no matter the age – to be depressing. How can we look at our happy, glowing, hopelessly-in-love friends and curse their joy because we (we, who are wiser, smarter, and apparently know better) believe them to be too young. Too young to grow up. Too young to be tied down. Too young to be selfless.

And that’s the kicker. Selflessness.

One particular article that seems to be all over my facebook, maybe the specific one that you are addressing as well, notes a detailed to do list of things that a person (specifically a woman) should accomplish INSTEAD of getting engaged before turning 23. Obviously, I read these things aloud to my  boyfriend. You know, in case we needed to be aware of something important. We laughed our way through most of the list, noting that almost everything on the list could be done with another person (or, should probably just not be done at all.). In fact, it seemed to us that most of the things on the list SHOULD be done with another person. Specifically, for me, done with Jordan. But, as the list continued you on, we hit a road block.

22. Be Selfish.

This is when it hit me, she is right. Not in the way she wants to be, but her words still suddenly ring true. If you want to be selfish, don’t get married before 23. Do whatever you want to do, I suppose. In the words of this specific author – find your “thing”. Whatever. But, if you want to choose selfishness don’t get married at 23 – or 25, or 30, or 45.

Because, selfishness is poison to a marriage. I don’t even have to be married to know that.  So, be single. And selfish.  Explore. Learn. Whatever. And while you’re doing that, I’ll get married. Before I’m 25.

Here’s the thing. I found him. He’s good, and solid. And I don’t want to be selfish, and I don’t want to explore alone. And, that’s okay. Just like it is okay to be single. Happiness, luckily, is available to all.

But, do take away this. Independence is a comfort, and freedom is a blessing. A big, confidence-boosting blessing. But, love? It’s a gift. It is a gift that was created and then exemplified by God. Let’s not make light of that.

In the end – I agree with you. Encouragement is a beautiful thing. Encourage your friends who are getting engaged. Encourage your friends who are not. Suddenly, no one is making a list of which lifestyle is better, because jealousy and bitterness are not a part of the equation. Selflessness, it turns out, is available for all.

Get married. Be single. Who cares. Be happy. Love people. Love God.  Stop coveting other people’s lives, and calling it wisdom.

It seems easy enough.

Choose love.

Morgan